Darling, You Give Love a Bad Name

Off the top of my head, I can easily come up with 10 things that need my immediate attention right about now. There’s my Business Admin quiz to study for, Advanced Mar Comm assignment to research up on, and PR and Propaganda reading to catch up with. Which was exactly why I skipped all my classes on Thursday instead, and loaded up on precious sleep (14 whole hours, baby!) before getting my dose of exercise, only in a different manner this time. The internet suggests that I try swimming as replacement for my daily cardio since my knee is hurting again, and hey, anything for physiotherapy reasons! Doesn’t hurt that splashing around in crisp cold water sounds like a totally refreshing change from running too, heh. I love running, but swimming sounds just a tad bit more exciting. I’m sorry, but I’m a novelty whore like that ;]

The day itself seemed like it was tailored for kicking up a storm in the pool. I dragged the Ninja Rabbit along to go with me because, well… what fun is it swimming alone right? We even got the entire pool to ourself for the evening! =D

You know it’s saying something when it ceases to rain for the first time in days on the day you decide to soak up some good ol’ Vitamin D and drink up the warmth of the sun in water warmed to just the right temperature =)

The down side to swimming though, is how ravenous you get after merely half an hour of cannonball-ing into the pool, or simply floating on your back to stare up at the blue blue sky with the rest of the world locked away from your cocoon of underwater playland. It makes waiting for your dinner a hell of a process!

Hunger was most definitely getting to my brain =(

After dinner, we decided to stop by Station One in Damansara Uptown for drinks and dessert. A friend was also scheduled to play with his band for the cafe’s Open Mic Night so we hardly had to think to know where to go for that Thursday evening =) The Maria Margharitas had once played at one of the university’s functions before but for the life of me, I can’t recall when and which. But they rocked the house nonetheless with their acoustic covers of some of today’s latest hits. I especially loved how they speckled their performance with jokes of their own in between songs so the entire performance was entertaining as it was engaging.

Swimming really does something to your appetite, that I have to hand it to you. Despite having had dinner less than only an hour ago or so, I was having a crazy case of the munchies. I wanted to have everything that was on the menu!

I am still in a state of utter confusion, so what that is about to follow may read a little incoherent, if not like complete gibberish. I loathe the idea that my writing may be impermanently tainted with grief for a while, but this entire retrograde drama is something I have to eventually come to face. It seems like I just keep getting shit dished and handed out to me, sometimes uncalled for but most of the time, to my deserving. But whatever, you know? Love has always revolved heavily around my mind and being, especially since jumping into a relationship with someone who’s the personification of Love. Unfortunately, it also dances a rhythm that often ends in a perpetual, if not painful, question mark. I can’t, and I won’t, lie and say that I am 100% comfortable with the knowledge that I had chosen to commit at the tender age of 19. That is way too young for anyone to realize anything for sure, what more know for certain the person with whom they’re gonna spend the rest of their life with.

But at the same time, Love makes everything more tragic, beautiful, interesting, painful. Love can destroy you in seconds, but it can also save your life. It is exciting and exhilirating, an entity without which you feel only half of yourself, half alive. There’s got to be a reason why half of the world searches so untiringly for it. And trust me, I know how lucky I am to already have found that one person who knows me better than I myself do, and love me for every single bit of that imperfection he is constantly discovering. So much so that I find myself asking a lot lately; is it selfish of me – ignorant, naive, and spoiled – to sometimes want it so bad, yet during times of other when the sun has tire of shining and decides to give way to clouds of angry storm, wonder the entire point of its existence?

I am truly beginning to believe that I may have two split personalities residing within me, and their constantly opposing natures are this close to tearing my entire self apart. It’s not that I do not know how much this boy here means to me. He might as well be my whole world, my entire universe. He already has all of that in a teaspoon of his laugh, in a quarter of a cup of his sense of humour. At the same time, I can’t help but feel that I may – just the smallest probability – be missing out on a lot of things someone my age should be revelling in unencumbered and unfettered instead. I love us, don’t get me wrong. I love him, more than anyone or even he will ever know. But being one half of a whole is scary. It’ll never stop being scary. Simply because while it’s nice to know that you’re important to someone, it’s also nothing short of overwhelming how frightening it is when you realize just how big a part you play in being someone else’s everything.

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